My wife and I were part of the Petra family for 3 years. My life has been a journey of learning how to live in peace and not get caught up in the soulish and fleshly entanglements of the world. I had to learn repeatedly, time and time again in different seasons how to surrender to the Lord’s surgery on my heart, to live in His peace and not to speak rashly which would often lead to strife, shouting, violence, verbal abuse, selfishness and being extremely frustrated at the disconnect with what the public would see and what my family and helper would see at home. On my wife’s part, she could see clearly how hypocritical I was and how I craved being seen as a holy man in public but was a sham at home. What a shame on me and how foolish of me to be so blind for so many years! But Father is patient and understanding and gives me yet another chance to learn. Truly God made woman as a helpmate to man. Many times my wife would correct me when I would do or act in a way that was unbecoming but instead of seeing that was how God was molding me into a better man, I would be prideful and not receive the advice which would help me. James Jordan, in essence, said we go around the mountain many times more than we have to because we do not learn the lessons that have to be passed before the next test or trial.
The turning point came one day where an argument erupted and again, I was not able to clearly communicate with my wife about an issue I can’t even remember now what it was about. But I do remember very clearly that as I was woken up in the middle of the night, which happens quite frequently now. I just went to God in quiet desperation there, blankets piled up on me in the winter night. I started reading His Word but more importantly with all my heart and spirit soaking in His encouragement and zoe, recreative life in His promises. I repented and with all my heart, decided to leave my broken ways behind. No more arguing. No more strife and yelling. No more selfishly winning the argument but losing the hearts of my family. I left that sofa about 4 or 5 am with not only a sleepy relaxed restful sense to crawl back into bed but also knowing nearly imperceptibly but definitely that He had done surgery in my heart and spirit. Just like that, He took whatever entanglements, lies, and crud the enemy tries to burden me with.
If the man of the house loses it, then all is gone. He has to be the leader of the house. He has to be calm and in control. He has to lead by example and serve. He has to protect.
There were many signs and encouragements… Jordan B Peterson had many messages on YouTube, teaching us to not engage with people if they were not willing to calmly discuss how to resolve something…you just observe and wait for an opportune time to re-engage. Jocko Willinks on his YouTube videos speaks out to people that whatever comes your way is ‘good’ because if we take it the right way, it will mold us in the pain and trial and in time make us stronger and wiser, adaptable, flexible. My brother’s prayers for me and my family were and are cherished.
I know that my sin is forgiven and that Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit see me both as what I will become as a mature man of God and child of the King and now a son of Father who is working out his salvation. I can come to Him anytime, anyway, and in any circumstance, because He loves me with a perfect love I am not yet able to fully comprehend. He will never leave me or forsake me and when I am weak, He is there to pick me up as long as I come with honesty asking for help. I know He created me and planned my whole life on Earth before I was made in my mother’s womb, before the world began, before the creation of the Universe. Dad, You are always there for me. Thank you. I love You so much. Thank you Dad, for always being there for me. Thank You Dad, for always being there for anyone who comes to You quicker than You can blink an eye.