Nothing Could Separate Me From God’s Love

Posted on

17 Oct 2019


Name withheld

Growing up, I always had existential questions in my head. I would ask myself, “Who’s my creator?

But if I had a creator, then who’s my creator’s creator?” I couldn’t find any answers as a child.

I was attending a Catholic school when I had my first exposure to God. When the school was sharing about Good Friday, I was confused and asked my friend Debra, “So what’s so good about Good Friday? Why are you guys celebrating someone’s death?” That question sparked off a conversation with Debra, where I had a safe space to question about God and Jesus. That was when I first learnt about God’s love, and about how God gave His one and only Son to die for my sins. It was a pivotal moment for me to know that God is love — that’s the main reason why I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.

After accepting Christ, I could almost immediately see a change in myself. I had always been a really angry person, always swearing, cursing, and always very impatient. But when I accepted Christ, there was this peace that came over me, and I think my friends could tell that I was different. I was more calm.

At university, I got into an inter-religious relationship. At that point, I had to decide whether I wanted the relationship, or whether I wanted God. I chose the relationship. Essentially, I had abandoned God.

I decided to remove myself entirely from the church, to try if I could follow that new religion. I even went for classes, changed my diet and fasted. That relationship extended for the next 4 years.

When marriage came into the picture, it meant that I had to officially convert into this new religion. However, I was deeply conflicted. Whenever I was stressed by my studies then, I always felt like God was tugging at me – Christian songs would just pop into my head!

By the end of 2017, my partner suddenly called off our relationship. Ironically, it happened in the week when we were planning on buying our marital home. Although there was a lot of hurt, it always felt like God was calling out to me. It was as though I finally stepped out of the darkness, and I could see a glimpse of light. This happened in December, which felt oddly timely to go back to church because December = Christmas! But this time I didn’t want to just make use of God. I genuinely wanted to pursue a real relationship with God, and not just take from Him. And so that very month, I rededicated my life back to Jesus.

There was a lot of heartache that God needed to heal. It felt slow, but God was always good, gracious and generous. He always blessed me in every aspect of my life. He blessed me with so many friends who would help me through all the pain, which I could never go through alone. He even blessed me with a new job, after months of unemployment and battling with self-doubt and worth, where I could do what I really wanted to do!

Since that fateful month I returned to Jesus, He caused the Bible to come alive for me, and I received revelation after revelation. I could finally fully understand His Word. Around the same time, I also signed up for Bible Study Fellowship. Despite the long waitlist, I got a spot almost immediately. On top of all that, I am currently serving in Petra Church with the worship team, who have also accepted me. It’s been an honour to serve our God.

Even though 2017 ended with a lot of hurt and pain, God made use of 2018 to help me reclaim my identity in Christ. He healed my heart, which honestly seemed like an impossibility. He has been faithful through it all. He continuously shows me His goodness that is so real.

Although I chose to leave God at one point of my life, I learned that there is nothing that could ever separate me from His love. He has always been there, waiting for me ever so patiently, no matter what I’ve done. As long as I look to Him, there’s really nothing He cannot do to restore or heal in my life. In all seasons, through good or bad, it was always God who sustained me,. It was never anyone or anything else, but always God who sustained me.

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